General Managers

#1 all-time in points (.658 win%), but the record book calls him The Silver Stack -- four runner-up finishes, more than anyone, before finally breaking through in 2024-25. Runs the busiest desk in FBHL history by a mile: 147 trades, 17 side deals in the chat, and 22 reacquisitions that make him the league's Boomerang 🪃. Thirty-one of those deals are with Artur alone 💍.

👑 Three banners, the league's only dynasty -- riding a five-season podium streak (🔥 The Heater) nobody else is within shouting distance of. Built more on the keeper list (A+, #1 overall) than the farm (B-, #10), and does most of the damage on the phone with Anthony: 14 of 71 deals with the same guy, like an old married couple that won't file the paperwork.

One banner (2023-24) and a keeper list that still grades out A- (#3 overall), which is the quiet part -- everyone remembers the title, nobody clocks that the roster behind it never really got worse. Thirty-eight deals across five different club names.

🤝 The Peacemaker with a record 38 career ties -- nobody in FBHL history has split more points -- and 📦 The Stockpile, 17 prospects deep, more farmhands than anyone. His 14-asset haul off Anthony in 2022 was the biggest deal on record until the archive coughed up an older one. Never afraid to go big; still chasing the title.

Never been on the mantel and the only GM in the league holding no badge at all, yet Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto is the most balanced non-champion going -- B+ farm, B+ keepers, 43 trades, nothing embarrassing anywhere on the report card. The most dangerous kind of team: perfectly fine, forever.

Zero titles in ten seasons and a team name that's aged like milk, but the 🌱 Deepest Farm in the league (A+, #1) says the rebuild is real -- someday 'My Team is Mostly Ass' stops being a name and starts being false advertising. Cashed a chunk of it for Kaprizov in August 2026.

Dead last in the all-time standings after ten seasons, but ⚡ Deadline Sniper -- 84% of his trades land in the February-March crunch, silent all winter, lethal in the spring -- and 🚪 The Inner Circle, just eight trade partners across 25 deals. Doesn't trust the field. The field has zero use for him in October.

One banner (2020-21) on a tidy.580 win% -- third all-time in points -- and 25 deals that have produced exactly zero Trade Desk hardware. The Buds: allergic to drama, permanently in the mix, never the headline.

🥉 The Bronze Age -- three third-place finishes, more than anyone who's ever played, which is either impressively consistent or the loneliest kind of consistent. Sixty-one trades, five podiums, and still chasing the one finish that actually gets a banner. His own email archive is what rebuilt the first two seasons of this ledger.

One banner (2022-23), built the hard way -- the Talent Magnet 🧲 trading for names over lottery tickets, which helps, because his farm (C, dead last, 🥀) barely exists. Now also co-owner of 💣 the biggest trade ever made: 14 assets with Anthony in January 2018, a deal that sat lost in an inbox for eight years. Thirty-one shared trades and counting with the same man.

Owns the league's first-ever banner, 2015-16 -- and has been chasing a second for ten seasons since (⏳ The Longest Wait). A respectable farm (B, #9) undercut by the league's worst keeper list (C+, dead last), which is its own kind of consistency. Sold the first overall pick in August 2026 and walked off with seven pieces.

No banners, no Trade Desk badges, no emoji on the case -- just a quietly solid farm (A-, #5), 38 deals and a franchise that's never once been the story. The Beaches Bandits 🦝 keep showing up; nobody's quite sure why nobody talks about them.

Never lifted a banner, but nobody trades smarter -- ⚖️ The Haggler, best return in the league at 2.46 assets back per deal across just 13 trades. Never overpays. The titles simply haven't followed the spreadsheet yet.

🧊 Cold Shoulder -- 10 trades, fewest of the current fourteen, because why negotiate when the keeper list (A, #2) and the farm (A, #3) already look this good on their own. Zero banners yet, but a roster built to outlast everyone who kept dialing and getting nothing back.